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Things Georgia Gubernatorial Candidates Have Stuck Their Penises In For $500, Alex

Georgia gubernatorial candidate Neil Horsley is running on The Creator's Rights Party ticket. He's anti-abortion and gay sex, except for when it's experimental, and is extremely in favor of killing abortion doctors -- even going so far as to publish Old West-style wanted posters (the U.S. government asked him to stop doing this, characterizing it as "too subtle"). He's also admittedly anti-American, pro-secession, and is generally in favor of terrorism.

Oh, and he's fucked a mule. And a watermelon. And "just about everything it's physically possible to have sex with, and some that isn't." Say what you will, but at least an anti-abortion/pro-bestiality philosophy offers those kids a plausible alternative to doin' the nasty.

Anyway, to our Georgia readers, you know what to do. Palin/Horsley 2012, baby!

Best Swine Flu Cartoons

It's Like He's Speaking My Soul

Matt Taibbi has a sports column at Men's Journal. It's the perfect combination of vitriol, snappy prose, and bald sensibility that fans of his know and love.

Brett Favre: Honestly, if I hear that fucker’s name one more time, I swear I’m going to drive a bus full of kids off a cliff. There must be numbers from some marketing genius somewhere that show that every time his face appears on TV, two more hicks in Arkansas buy bags of Cheetos and five more pill-popping trailer housewives decide to blow off making home lunches and spend their welfare checks feeding their kids at Applebee’s. I guess I understand it. Football skills aside, Favre is, wrapped in one package, everything that attracts the attention of the superfluous sports hack: an emotional story line about a deceased “hero” dad; an activist, cancer-surviving wife who likes the camera and who never hesitates to go on at length about her and her husband’s “awesome” relationship; an inspirational recovery from pill addiction; a willingness to go on air with Greta Van Susteren; and a seemingly endless, once-a-year, will-he-or-won’t-he retirement controversy. Favre is also a half-literate white southerner who played in the northern Midwest (from a marketing point of view, he’s like both halves of a presidential ticket), giving him natural appeal to all the key demographics. As much as I can’t stand Favre, I’m hoping he outlives me, because the Tim Russert effect after his death would be overwhelming.

Offered Without Comment

Oh, wow.

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas (AP) - Seven employees at a state-run home for the mentally disabled have been suspended for allegedly staging a "fight club" among residents.

TGRWT #15: Smoked Salmon & Dark Chocolate

One of our favorite food blogs, Khymos, runs a monthly event called "They Go Really Well Together." They pick two ingredients that aren't commonly used together -- but scientifically should be compatible -- and challenge bloggers to create a recipe featuring the pair. Here is our first foray into the unknown, featuring this month's pair: smoked salmon and dark chocolate.

Smoked Salmon Cigars with Dark Chocolate Mole

Cigars
(2) 4.5oz packages Smoked Salmon
8oz whipped Cream Cheese
Lemon, with zest
Salt & Pepper
Phyllo dough
Butter, melted
Dark Chocolate Cocoa Powder

Combine cream cheese, lemon and zest. Salt and pepper to taste. Fill half sheets of phyllo dough with a strip of salmon and the cream cheese mixture, rolling dough into a cigar shape. Brush top of cigars with melted butter. Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes, or until tops are lightly browned. Dust with cocoa powder.

Mole
Sesame Oil
Onion, diced
(6) cloves Garlic
3.5oz bar Dark Chocolate
28oz can Tomatoes
(6) dried Guajillo chiles
2tbs Pasilla chile powder
(10) Black Peppercorns
Mexican Oregano
Cinnamon
Cloves
Allspice
Fresh Thyme
Fennel Seeds
Tortilla, shredded.

Saute onion in sesame oil. When translucent, add all other ingredients to taste. Simmer for at least 45 minutes. Strain if desired.

Garnishes
Chives
Shaved Dark Chocolate
Lemon Zest
Sesame Seeds
Sesame Oil infused with Chiles

Serve cigar in a pool of mole, and garnish as desired.

RESULTS

Surprisingly, this worked exceptionally well from a flavor standpoint, and looked terrific (despite photographic evidence to the contrary). I wanted to make sure that the two featured ingredients were, well, featured. While the dark chocolate was assertive but not overpowering in the fairly simple mole, I thought I needed to up the chocolate factor a bit. The the shavings provided little bursts of chocolaty flavor, but weren't a distraction. The salmon/cream cheese cigars had a fantastic taste and consistency. Note that the lemon adds a needed hit of acid and lightness, and the sesame/chile oil helped tie everything together.

The only knock on the dish was that the phyllo wrappers weren't quite crisp enough. Were I to make these again, I'd probably use a slightly higher temp on the cigars, crisp them in a skillet, or substitute egg roll wrappers or puff pastry. A crunchy wrapper would make this a real winner.

Oops, I Crapped My Pants

(click pic for hi-res)

For those of you who are not up to date on this story, it appears that at a tailgate for the BCS National Championship game, an AOPi from the University of Florida ... weeeelll:

Received via third-hand email: "My friend saw this girl squatting near his tailgate for the [national championship] game [Thursday] night and thought she was just pissing until she stood up and came over to talk to them. That's when they noticed..." [ed. note: doody]

For reasons of common decency, Georgia Sports Blog later took down the pictures, which were printed in redacted format at Every Day Should Be Saturday and Deadspin (wow, this girl's life is toast). Fortunately, this blog suffers from no such constraints, but we have yet to get our hands on an unedited picture (hint, hint).

Now comes the investigation. Who is she? Where are her sketchy Facebook pics? Only you, dear readers, can help. We'll get you started with the UF AOPi website. Onward!

(does a bear shit in the parking lot?)

We're pretty sure the only thing that can save this chick now is a face transplant, and she'll doubtless be getting the boot from her chapter. Regardless, the girls are going to have to suffer through years of "Alpha Omicron Pi is such a shitty sorority" jokes.