Random Bitching About CBS' NCAA Coverage

As a casual college basketball non-fan, I freely admit that I know nothing about the game and only watch it while gambling. Perhaps some of you hoops diehards can clue me in on a couple of things:

1. Why the hell does CBS (or the NCAA, if that's who is making the decisions) run multiple games at the same time? I get the fact that they don't want their viewers stuck watching a blowout, but it sort of sucks that 75% of the country didn't get to watch one second of O.J. Mayo in the tournament. And don't give me some crap about how spacing out the games (even to the extent of adding extra days) would hurt revenue at the arenas, cause travel problems, or hurt the "students'" academics -- ticket sales are chump change, logistic problems are solvable, and basketball players don't go to class. Assuming the games are valuable ratings-grabbers ... wouldn't you want to show more of them?
   
2. Who is the midget playing for Xavier?
   

Yes, Stupider Than Berman

Just a quick note to say that the opera singer on ESPN's NCAA coverage is the dumbest damn thing I've ever seen on the network. And this from a channel that gave us Battlebots.

CWATCF March Madness Gambling Advice

Each March, we encounter a huge problem -- we don't watch much any basketball, but we do gamble. Obviously, there's nothing more satisfying than winning an office pool without any research or knowledge, and watching the basketball junkies seethe quietly while you win without class or dignity. But how to do this? Like any smart gambler knows, games of infinite complexity can always be solved: you just need a system!

So we spent 7 or 8 minutes poring over the last two champions, trying to find their central, driving characteristic:

• They were both named "Florida," but that seemed unlikely to repeat (we are told they will not make the tournament this year).
• Both featured a number of tall, black men (DQs Duke) ... but this didn't narrow the field enough.
• The teams both featured the biggest douchebag in college basketball. Aaaaand we have a winner!
  

So all we have to do to pick this year's champ is to identify NCCAA basketball's biggest toolbox? Pffft ... that's a toughie:

Tyler Hansbrough, Douchebag Extraordinare

(apologies to our UNC-supporting brothers over at Nation of Islam Sports Blog)

Yes, yes, that's him -- the guy missing the chromosomes. We are just surprised he doesn't play for Duke.

Anyway, you heard it here first -- pencil UNC in on the champion line and work backwards. You can thank us later. And if you need to balance out your discomfort with pulling for this mongoloid, you can watch this.