Each March, we encounter a huge problem -- we don't watch much any basketball, but we do gamble. Obviously, there's nothing more satisfying than winning an office pool without any research or knowledge, and watching the basketball junkies seethe quietly while you win without class or dignity. But how to do this? Like any smart gambler knows, games of infinite complexity can always be solved: you just need a system!
So we spent 7 or 8 minutes poring over the last two champions, trying to find their central, driving characteristic:
- They were both named "Florida," but that seemed unlikely to repeat (we are told they will not make the tournament this year).
- Both featured a number of tall, black men (DQs Duke) ... but this didn't narrow the field enough.
- The teams both featured the biggest douchebag in college basketball. Aaaaand we have a winner!
So all we have to do to pick this year's champ is to identify NCCAA basketball's biggest toolbox? Pffft ... that's a toughie:Tyler Hansbrough, Douchebag Extraordinare
Yes, yes, that's him -- the guy missing the chromosomes. We are just surprised he doesn't play for Duke.
Anyway, you heard it here first -- pencil UNC in on the champion line and work backwards. You can thank us later. And if you need to balance out your discomfort with pulling for this mongoloid, you can watch this.
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