Random Bitching About CBS' NCAA Coverage

As a casual college basketball non-fan, I freely admit that I know nothing about the game and only watch it while gambling. Perhaps some of you hoops diehards can clue me in on a couple of things:

1. Why the hell does CBS (or the NCAA, if that's who is making the decisions) run multiple games at the same time? I get the fact that they don't want their viewers stuck watching a blowout, but it sort of sucks that 75% of the country didn't get to watch one second of O.J. Mayo in the tournament. And don't give me some crap about how spacing out the games (even to the extent of adding extra days) would hurt revenue at the arenas, cause travel problems, or hurt the "students'" academics -- ticket sales are chump change, logistic problems are solvable, and basketball players don't go to class. Assuming the games are valuable ratings-grabbers ... wouldn't you want to show more of them?
   
2. Who is the midget playing for Xavier?
   

Tulane Baseball Update: The Hitters: March 25

Week in Review:

Mar 23, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 12, Sacred Heart 0	Box score
Mar 22, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 5, Sacred Heart 2	Box score
Mar 21, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 8, Sacred Heart 0	Box score
Mar 19, 2008	LSU Tigers 7, Tulane Green Wave 5	Box score

Well, the cannon fodder scored on us this weekend, but the story was much the same. By Game 3, Sacred Heart's depth was more or less shot to hell -- the umps could have called mercy sometime in the third inning and everyone would have been happier. Again, I think pulling any conclusions from the weekend slate of games is silly, and WE SHALL NOT SPEAK OF THE MIDWEEK GAME.

HITTERS:

	AVG	SLG%	OB%	EqA
Jared Dyer	0.375	0.556	0.413	0.308
W. McFadden	0.349	0.476	0.468	0.318
Aja Barto	0.333	0.500	0.418	0.308
Rob Segedin	0.329	0.468	0.391	0.284
A. Scelfo	0.301	0.534	0.463	0.322
Seth Henry	0.296	0.507	0.359	0.290
A. Rodgers	0.273	0.527	0.403	0.294
Drew Allain	0.237	0.322	0.338	0.226
Sam Honeck	0.237	0.342	0.341	0.217
Josh Prince	0.164	0.164	0.246	0.113
Marc Robert	0.500	0.750	0.500	0.428
R. Rebowe	0.500	0.750	0.400	0.378
Steve Moritz	0.385	0.385	0.500	0.292
Scott Powell	0.300	0.433	0.382	0.276
N. Boullosa	0.154	0.154	0.214	0.090
G. Griener	0.000	0.000	0.400	0.149

Go here for complete stats.

Observations:

1. Scelfo is quietly having the best season on the team. Even during his early-season "slump," he still showed enough plate patience to be a valuable cog in the lineup. Now that his "traditional" stats (AVG, power numbers, etc.) are coming around, he's headed towards a monster season.
   
2. WoMac Revival, baby! We're still hearing rumors about hitches in swings and bad approaches at bat, but they're easy to dismiss with the numbers he's been putting up. Watch closely when we start to see some decent pitching, though -- if the numbers bottom out, the problems aren't fixed.
   
3. Prince. Let's be clear -- he's in the lineup because he plays good defense and he hit .371/.448/.449. in 89 ABs with Texas last year. At what point, though, does past performance have to be disqualified as a fluke? I'm not saying we should give up on him yet -- the sample size of ABs is still a bit low -- but RJ better be working on a backup plan, because Tulane's lineup doesn't have enough pop to hide a gaping black hole.
4. Again, I'll believe that we're a good offensive club when we hit against a team with a pulse.

Tulane Baseball Update: The Pitchers: March 25

Player	ERA	BB/9	K/9	WHIP	dERA	BABIP
S. Hunt	0.56	4.22	12.66	0.781	1.974	0.179
J. Garrett.	2.31	3.51	7.01	1.126	3.667	0.262
R. Broach	3.25	4.96	4.96	1.654	4.509	0.337
A. Loup	3.56	2.69	6.28	1.196	3.972	0.300
T. Rogers	0.00	5.40	12.60	1.000	2.095	0.200
Mason Griffin	1.88	2.55	7.02	0.851	3.876	0.216
P. Claiborne	2.31	4.82	9.64	1.607	2.653	0.353
T. Martin	2.51	2.55	3.83	0.922	3.205	0.209
M. Petiton	2.84	5.90	7.38	1.475	5.804	0.313
N. Pepitone	3.00	4.50	5.00	1.278	4.968	0.275
J. Zeid	8.31	4.39	7.68	2.439	5.136	0.471
TULANE	2.65	3.87	7.43	1.225	3.690	0.290
Opponents	6.41	4.74	6.75	1.697	5.028	0.359

*dERA is defense-independent earned run average. This is a component-based stat, so think of it as what a pitcher's ERA should be.

Observations:

1. dERA seems to think Petition, Broach, and Griffin are pitching a bit over their heads. High walk rates are the culprit for Petition and Broach, while Griffin's BABIP (batting average on balls in play) may be unsustainably low.
2. Don't get your panties in a bunch over Shooter's jump up from ERA to dERA. The system is designed for a long season, and not league or park adjusted (yet). That said, it's unlikely that Shooter's BABIP stays quite that low, and he is walking quite a few people.
3. Loup may deserve a little more credit than he's getting. If he can bump that K rate a bit, he could look great on paper. Anyone know whether Loup is a primarily groundball pitcher? Just curious, but that could explain his relatively high BABIP and low K rate.
4. Our defense is quite good, judging by these statistics. According to dERA, it is saving us about 1 run a game, which is an enormous number. I'm going to recheck a few things this weekend -- the discrepancy may have something to do with variances between the college and major league game (I used MLB rate stats in the calculation).
   
5. Shooter Hunt is getting some great press across the internets, and it was nice to see my new favorite site, Saberscouting, run a feature on him.

Pitch - Present Grade/Future Grade [ed. note: baseball scouting is done on a 20-80 scale]

Fastball - 65/70

Curveball - 65/65

Changeup - 45/50

Command - 45/50

...

Power pitcher but struggles with command in spurts. Sometimes spots his pitches as well as anyone but can fall out of his groove incredibly quickly. Lots of walks, lots of strikeouts. When on, he’s got frontline potential. Plus makeup, plays to win, great competitive attitude. Must learn to pitch, not throw. Huge upside.

Go read the whole thing -- it's a nice breakdown of his mechanics, his upside, and his warts. At this point, we're talking about a top-15 pick, assuming he holds up against better competition. If he sharpens his walk rate, then watch out.

Tulane Baseball Update: The Week Ahead: March 25

This Week's Schedule:

03/25/08	at Southeastern Louisiana	Hammond, La.	6:30 p.m. CT
03/28/08	at UAB* *	Birmingham, Ala.	7:00 p.m. CT
03/29/08	at UAB* *	Birmingham, Ala.	2:00 p.m. CT
03/30/08	at UAB* *	Birmingham, Ala.	1:00 p.m. CT

SELA goes with Adam Jones tonight. He's started three games this season, but really hasn't stretched out at all, pitching only 13 innings total (he also made a relief appearance). He appears to be a pretty solid pitcher, but don't look for him to go much past 3. After him, SELA has a mishmash of average middle relievers. Efferson, their other midweek starter (who we may see tonight) has been knocked around this season. Hitting-wise, SELA has a core of Hargis-Summerlin-Street, and not much else. They should be out of their depth tonight, but remember that they did knock off LSU earlier this season (throwing a weekend starter, granted).

UAB is the weekend matchup, and it should be a nice way to start the conference season for Tulane. UAB has more or less been beaten like a drum by anyone and everyone this year, and they haven't exactly played great competition. First baseman Ryan Keedy is having a monster of a year, and Bell and Stewart are average players, but the rest of the team might as well be swinging wet newspapers. On the mound, Wallace and Klostkowski are decent starters, but UAB is a giant question mark after that. 9 different pitchers have started games; 8 others have pitched in relief. This should be a perfect week -- anything less would be a disappointment.

Atonement, Continued

This has been kicking around various sites, but we've watched it at least twelve times and it's still making us laugh. Summary: Patrick Roy's (he's a famous hockey goalie, apparently) son's hockey team gets in a fight, and Junior wants to participate. The other goalie isn't wild about the whole fighting thing, but Roy solves that problem by beating the ever living crap out of him. Really, it's worth three minutes of your time.

Tulane Baseball Weekend Review: March 17

Week in Review:

Mar 16, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 16, Oakland University 0	Box score
Mar 15, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 19, Oakland University 0	Box score
Mar 14, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 3, Oakland University 0	Box score
Mar 12, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 18, Northwestern State 11	Box score
Mar 11, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 4, Northwestern State 3	Box score

Five patsies, five wins. You'll note the 38-0 showing the Mighty Oakland Something-0r-others put on this weekend. In short, a weekend due to inept pitching, full of pings and thwacks, signifying nothing.

Blah blah blah everybody's stats look great:

	AVG	OB%	SLG%	EqA(Nat.)	EqA(CUSA)
W. McFadden	0.346	0.460	0.462	0.315	0.312
Jared Dyer	0.339	0.381	0.554	0.298	0.296
Rob Segedin	0.333	0.395	0.464	0.279	0.277
A. Rodgers	0.333	0.444	0.644	0.335	0.332
Aja Barto	0.323	0.400	0.508	0.303	0.301
A. Scelfo	0.267	0.429	0.517	0.308	0.306
Seth Henry	0.259	0.295	0.448	0.248	0.247
Sam Honeck	0.239	0.329	0.358	0.219	0.220
Drew Allain	0.226	0.339	0.302	0.218	0.218
Josh Prince	0.184	0.273	0.184	0.129	0.134
Steve Moritz	0.455	0.556	0.455	0.332	0.330
Scott Powell	0.429	0.467	0.643	0.346	0.343

Go here for complete stats.

Five items of note:

1. I think it's safe to pencil Rodgers into that cleanup spot for the remainder of the season.
2. Seth Henry, extra base hit machine? We'll see if this continues. Scelfo, on the other hand, continues to produce despite ugly "traditional" stats.
   
3. The pitching is deep and dominant. It'll be interesting to see if Loup does well against better competition this week.
4. Broach's peripherals still look terrible. Watch him closely.
   
5. I'll believe all of these Candyland fantasies when we perform against a team with a pulse.
   

Shooter Hunt, 2008 All-American and top-15 draft pick. Sound about right? Anyway, we have another "baseball team" coming to slaughter this weekend in Sacred Heart ... and of course there's that meaningless midweek game.

Go to Hell, LSU!

CWATCF March Madness Gambling Advice

Each March, we encounter a huge problem -- we don't watch much any basketball, but we do gamble. Obviously, there's nothing more satisfying than winning an office pool without any research or knowledge, and watching the basketball junkies seethe quietly while you win without class or dignity. But how to do this? Like any smart gambler knows, games of infinite complexity can always be solved: you just need a system!

So we spent 7 or 8 minutes poring over the last two champions, trying to find their central, driving characteristic:

• They were both named "Florida," but that seemed unlikely to repeat (we are told they will not make the tournament this year).
• Both featured a number of tall, black men (DQs Duke) ... but this didn't narrow the field enough.
• The teams both featured the biggest douchebag in college basketball. Aaaaand we have a winner!
  

So all we have to do to pick this year's champ is to identify NCCAA basketball's biggest toolbox? Pffft ... that's a toughie:

Tyler Hansbrough, Douchebag Extraordinare

(apologies to our UNC-supporting brothers over at Nation of Islam Sports Blog)

Yes, yes, that's him -- the guy missing the chromosomes. We are just surprised he doesn't play for Duke.

Anyway, you heard it here first -- pencil UNC in on the champion line and work backwards. You can thank us later. And if you need to balance out your discomfort with pulling for this mongoloid, you can watch this.

SEC Name of the Week: March 14 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them. For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC Name of the Week:

Phelon Jones, WR, Florida Gators

There's only one thing I can think of that would cause Berman to splooge in his pants faster than Phelon being drafted by the Minnesota Vikings:


Let's all pray that Phelon sucks at football.

Coppin State Baseball: CWATCF Official Team Update

Coppin State plays a doubleheader against North Carolina Central University today. This may be the Eagles' best chance for a victory this season, as NCCU is, well, horrible. So far this season, NCCU has a 1-7 record, receiving within-an-inch-of-your-life poundings from baseball powers like Norfolk State, Savannah State, Chicago State, and something called Alderson-Broaddus. We will, of course, keep tabs on the results for you.

GO EAGLES!

Tulane Recap: Week 3

Weekly Recap:

Overall Record: 8-5

Mar 09, 2008	UC Irvine Anteaters 5, Tulane Green Wave 1	Box score
Mar 08, 2008	UC Irvine Anteaters 7, Tulane Green Wave 3	Box score
Mar 07, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 2, UC Irvine Anteaters 0	Box score
Mar 05, 2008	Tulane Green Wave 14, Southern Jaguars 6	Box score
Mar 04, 2008	New Orleans 4, Tulane Green Wave 2	Box score

Midweek games don't usually come as tough as UNO -- the team is solid (if not spectacular) top to bottom, and features a first team preseason All-American second baseman in Johnny Giavotella. The basic recap: Tulane starter Jonathan Garrett struggled with his control for much of the game; UNO starter Bryan Cryer was dominant. Still, the game ended in dramatic fashion, as Tulane junior Andrew Rodgers damn near parked a 2-out grand slam in the 9th.

Things eased up a bit with the Southern game, which gave us all a glimmer of hope as the bats got going. Unfortunately, UCI and their top-ranked pitching staff were coming to town (yeah, it's early, but these guys are top-5 legit in the pitching department).

Friday night: Shooter 1, UCI 0. You have to think that Hunt, a dominant 6'3" sophomore righty, is a legitimate All-American candidate ... and draft-eligible at that. Saturday and Sunday were similar thematically for Tulane: no hit, shaky outings by the starters, and solid relief performances from Nick Pepitone and Preston Claiborne, respectively.

Hitting stats through 3/10:

	AVG	SLG%	OB%	EqA(Nat.)
Jared Dyer.......	0.333	0.511	0.392	0.287
Aja Barto........	0.333	0.556	0.415	0.315
Warren McFadden..	0.270	0.378	0.372	0.264
Rob Segedin......	0.265	0.327	0.321	0.197
Sam Honeck.......	0.239	0.348	0.352	0.229
Drew Allain......	0.234	0.319	0.321	0.212
Seth Henry.......	0.233	0.302	0.283	0.178
Anthony Scelfo...	0.171	0.390	0.382	0.264
Steve Moritz.....	0.750	0.750	0.667	0.447
Scott Powell.....	0.250	0.250	0.400	0.194
Andrew Rodgers...	0.231	0.423	0.333	0.243
Josh Prince......	0.161	0.161	0.257	0.049

I get the feeling we're going to see more of Rodgers, who at least has shown some pop in limited at bats. Again, Prince and Henry have been awful ... and really, it's unfair to limit that statement to them. ALL of the hitters, with the limited (and brilliant) exceptions of Barto and Dyer. But for those two, Tulane would be what -- 3-10? The team has to get some production out of Segedin and Honeck -- too many punchless at bats at power positions are going to those guys. Granted, we've seen some decent pitching, but man ... bats need to warm up. You've got to hand it to Coach Jones -- he's juggled the lineups and attempted to play the hot hand, but that's tough when nobody's performing. The big question is, whither Warren McFadden? After a stunning freshman year, WoMac has regressed to being an average (if useful) player ... fine, but far from the first team All-American we had expected. Some observers have mentioned that he's developed hitch in his swing ... let's hope he can get that ironed out and put up some numbers.

What We've Learned:

• The weekend rotation may not yet be set. Broach and Loup have both been shakier than their ERAs indicate (high WHIPs, low K rates), and RJ had a pretty hook attached to Loup this weekend. I'm guessing we'll see a new face on the hill this Sunday.
  
• Tulane has lots of pitching depth, but not lots of pitching dominance (i.e. power pitchers capable of putting up a Shooter-like performance). In my view, this is a good thing -- it gives the team a decided advantage in midweek games, and will pay dividends when we hit tournament time.
• We can't hit. At all. There's really no silver lining in the stats -- the K rate is too high, the BB rate too low, and there's no pop from the power positions. It's not time to panic yet, of course, as the season is young and the sample size is small. Perhaps it's the weather, maybe we've run into some tough pitching (likely something of a factor) or some bad umpires, or maybe the hitters are just a bit behind the pitching.
  

The Week Ahead:

03/11/08	vs. NORTHWESTERN STATE	New Orleans, La.	6:00 p.m. CT
03/12/08	vs. NORTHWESTERN STATE	New Orleans, La.	3:00 p.m. CT
03/14/08	vs. OAKLAND (Mich.)	New Orleans, La.	6:00 p.m. CT
03/15/08	vs. OAKLAND (Mich.)	New Orleans, La.	2:00 p.m. CT
03/16/08	vs. OAKLAND (Mich.)	New Orleans, La.	1:00 p.m. CT

To put it as nicely as possible, these teams are patsies. Both have put up average numbers against poor competition, but have been steamrolled by anyone with a pulse.

We should note, though, that Northwestern is exceptionally patient at the plate, which could be a bad mix with our pitchers. Not throwing a ball within ten feet of Mike Jaworski might be a good idea, too -- he comes into the game sporting a .739 slugging percentage. These two midweek games should be easy wins, but a loss in either would signal that Tulane's early-season flaws are a bit more serious than we'd hoped.

Oakland, on the other hand, should be easy pickings. The team sports an ERA over 8, but their bats have kept them semi-competitive. Hopefully, this series will be a good opportunity for Tulane's hitters to build some confidence at the plate.

Tulane Baseball: Early Season Recap

Every week for the remainder of the season we'll do a rundown of the past week's games (including midweek) and player performance. We encourage comments and contributions -- email us at CWATCF@gmail.com if you're the appropriate combination of stats nerd and Tulane fan.

Following last weekend's games, Tulane is 6-2 (yes, we're aware they played last night -- it'll be covered next week).

Mar 02, 2008	Minneapolis, Minn.	Tulane Green Wave 5, TCU Horned Frogs 3	Box score
Mar 01, 2008	Minneapolis, Minn.	Minnesota Gophers 7, Tulane Green Wave 5	Box score
Feb 29, 2008	Minneapolis, Minn.	Pepperdine Waves 4, Tulane Green Wave 2	Box score
Feb 27, 2008	New Orleans, La.	Tulane Green Wave 10, Louisiana-Lafayette 1	Box score
Feb 26, 2008	New Orleans, La.	Tulane Green Wave 4, Southeastern La. 3	Box score
Feb 24, 2008	New Orleans, La.	Tulane Green Wave 9, Illinois Chicago 2	Box score
Feb 23, 2008	New Orleans, La.	Tulane Green Wave 4, Illinois Chicago 3	Box score
Feb 22, 2008	New Orleans, La.	Tulane Green Wave 6, Illinois Chicago 0	Box score

UIC, unsurprisingly, was a bit of a mismatch for the Green Wave, and doesn't tell us much. The victories over ULL and SELA, however, were solid and cause for a good bit of hope -- repeat after us: Louisiana baseball is the best in the nation. On the other hand, the 1-2 weekend in Minnesota wasn't exactly a disaster -- the competition was solid, if not great -- but it exposed a few potential weaknesses. Like last year, the Wave are striking out a bit too much, not walking quite enough, and not showing a ton of patience at the plate. As the YOGWF boys have pointed out, some of that can be attributed to some strange strike zones in the early games (perhaps the umps have a bit of warming up to do, too?) ... but if it doesn't get fixed, Tulane's going to have trouble putting up runs against better pitchers.

Speaking of pitchers, the majority of Tulane's have been excellent, sporting a WHIP of around 1.21. The starters in particular have been exceptional, going deep into games and proving to be difficult to hit. That said, there are some signs of trouble on the horizon. Some of the BABIPs are unsustainably low, the BB/9 of 3.84 is teetering on the edge of ugliness, and holy crap we've hit 16 people in 9 games!?!!?! We may need to invest in Kevlar vests for visiting teams.

Still, if we get pitching like this for the rest of the season, we'll be playing well into the summer.

Player	SLG%	OB%	EqA(Natl.)	EqA(CUSA)
Jared Dyer	0.654	0.433	0.323	0.330
Aja Barto	0.714	0.441	0.355	0.362
Sam Honeck	0.367	0.382	0.239	0.246
Rob Segedin	0.375	0.303	0.208	0.214
Drew Allain	0.406	0.343	0.244	0.251
Seth Henry	0.280	0.333	0.161	0.168
W. McFadden..	0.348	0.357	0.255	0.261
Anthony Scelfo	0.414	0.378	0.265	0.272
Josh Prince	0.143	0.217	0.095	0.085

(FYI, EqA National balances the team's stats against a large sample of national teams; CUSA only uses conference stats. Go here for a primer on EqA, or here for our breakdown. Go here for full Tulane stats.)

A few things stand out here, even given the small sample size or around 25 ABs: Dyer has had an All-American start to the season, Barto has been excellent (though his 33% K rate is frightening), Henry has had a rough first two weeks ... and wow, Prince (a big time transfer) has been horrible. What worries us is that RJ won't give him enough time to work through his early season troubles, and there's not a great second option at SS.

Note for uber-nerds:

We use last year's statistics from CUSA, Big 10, Pac 10, ACC and SEC schools for our league numbers. This is poor methodology, obviously, but we do it for several reasons: 1) College baseball stats are hard to find (especially for smaller leagues like the SWAC), rarely updated, and poorly organized. Using last year's stats means that we don't have to spend hours finding and reformatting stats from various leagues. Assuming no major changes (new bats, etc.), statistics should be similar from year to year. 2) Since the season is relatively short, sample size is relatively small. Using the larger pool of numbers from last year gives us a more accurate reading. 3) College baseball ballparks aren't uniform and often don't play "fair." Bigger leagues play more games in relatively uniform, "fair" parks and therefore are more susceptible to statistical analysis.

We should also note that none of the numbers are park adjusted. The rationale here is the same as above, coupled with the fact that Tulane's new stadium, unlike Zephyr, plays relatively fair -- Rick Jones said it, so it must be true. When we post next week about last year's team, we will park-adjust for Zephyr.

In other words, spare us the bitching or do a better job yourself.

SEC Name Of The Week: Feb. 26 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them. For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC Name of the Week:

Lazarius Levingston, DE, LSU Tigers

Pregnant Mother: You know who I like in the Bible?

Father: Who?

Pregnant Mother: Lazarus.

Father: Oh yeah?

Pregnant Mother: Dude was a bad mofo. Hung with JC.

Father: Rose from the dead.

Pregnant Mother: Lazarus. Lazarus. How's that for our boy?

Father: I like the name. Lazarus. But it's a bit boring.

Pregnant Mother: Yeah.

Father: Shit needs zing.

Apologies In Advance

So it’s the offseason, and we ain’t got shit to do, right?

Look, we apologize for the lack of college football content on the site recently. Recruiting just isn’t our thing, and we have trouble getting all excited for winter practices or even the spring games. The niche that we enjoy the most (arrests and other bad behavior by athletes) has been filled. As most of you have doubtless figured out, a significant portion of our pleasure from watching college football is derived from watching institutions that we can’t stand lose in particularly humiliating fashion. It’s hard to get that sort of feeling from an intrasquad game (“Red totally crushed those Black losers hahahahahha”), so unless Jimmy Clausen blows an ACL or Tennessee gets the death penalty ... well, call us in August.

So how do we fill our time from February to July? Working in soup kitchens, building homes for the poor, spending time with our loved ones college baseball.

Yes, as Brady has already pointed out, this is one college sport that our undergraduate institution can compete in. For those of you who don’t know, Tulane’s baseball program is one of the best in the nation, regularly appearing in Omaha for the College World Series (please, please don’t ask how we’ve done once we’ve gotten there). Coached by the highly regarded Rick Jones, the team has produced talents by the name of Sutter, Aubrey, Gautreau, and Owings. Sure, you may only recognize that last name, but our stud draftees have had some bad luck with injuries of late. You’ll see more Tulane grads in the majors in the very near future, rest assured.

At Tulane, students spend a significant portion of spring at the park, knocking back cold ones and yelling the Hullabaloo (below) after each minor on-field success. It’s a pretty good way to spend a lazy spring day.

A One, A Two,
A Helluva
Hullabaloo
A Hullabaloo
Ray Ray
A Hullabaloo
Ray Ray
Hooray
Hooray
Vars Vars Tee Ay
Tee Ay, Tee Ay
Vars Vars Tee Ay
Tulane!

Yeah, it’s a silly cheer, but it becomes much more coherent after downing a flask of Jack. Our point is that baseball is one of the things we love about the school and New Orleans, and we aren’t alone. Tulane draws some of the largest crowds in the nation, and has a bitter instate rivalry with the Louisiana State Cheating Tiger team and its incompetent coaching staff. This year is especially exciting, featuring a new stadium and a number of high profile transfers.

And yes, this is all justification for the amount of time we’re about to spend talking about it.

Deal with it, people.

SEC Name Of The Week: February 19 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them. For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC Name of the Week:

Prechae Rodriguez, WR, Auburn Tigers

What. The. Hell.

Most strange names that we run across in our efforts at NOTW are variations of mainstream names. Examples from the Auburn football roster:

Zach = Zac
Aaron = Aairon
Trey = Tray
Cody = Kodi

Prechae, on the other hand, bears no relation to any known combination of letters found in the English language. How could something like this find its way onto a birth certificate?

1) Parents are learned classical scholars, and "Prechae" has some sort of Latin root.
2) His parents actually followed the monkeys-at-a-typewriter approach to naming children.
3) Most likely? Yes, his parents are retards, but at least they're creative retards.

SEC Name Of The Week: Feb. 12 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them. For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC Name of the Week:

Zipp Duncan, OG, Kentucky Wildcats

There has to be a certain level of disappointment associated with naming your kid "Zipp," then finding out that Bill Curry wants him to gain 80 pounds and play guard in the SEC. Sort of like going with Louganis, then finding out that the little bastard is scared of the water and bangs chicks. And I just wanted him to butterfly!

Gratuitous Ohio State Bashing

Wherein Kyle speaks the truth:

Even though I knew the Buckeyes didn't deserve a spot in the national championship game, I still gave Ohio State too much credit. It isn't just that Jim Tressel's squad doesn't belong in a bowl game against an S.E.C. team---the 0-9 record speaks for itself---it's that the Buckeyes are very nearly as comparable to the Mountain West champion as they are to the Pac-10 champion.

Preach on, brother, preach on.

SEC Name Of The Week: Jan. 28 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them. For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC Name of the Week:

Forress Rayford, CB, Alabama Crimson Tide

As a product of semi-rural Georgia, I grew up among many kids named Jackson, Jefferson, and Lee (and one who notably had the middle name of Stonewall), but --shockingly, I know -- very few named Lincoln and Sherman. I prefer to think that these names are inoffensive, and more about regional pride than race, but feel free to disagree.

Forrest, on the other hand ... well, that's about race. You just don't name your child after the founder of the Klan if you don't hate brown people. I mean, do you give the family who names their kid "Adolf" a free pass because they "just thought it was a pretty name"?

Anyway, none of this is to imply that Forress or his parents are racists. "Forrest," after all, has a "t" and only one "s." Instead, Forress is living proof that the inability to spell names on a birth is not the sole province of uneducated minorities. Nor is playing cornerback in the SEC! With his name and position, Forress is a groundbreaking leader, shattering racial stereotypes left and right. Before long, white males will be dunking basketballs, riding camels, and doing math above grade level! Forress' parents likely didn't have a dream, because they were barely sentient mongoloids. But being descended from retards hasn't stopped this privileged white male from breaking the bonds of racism and attaining his rightful place in society -- not separate, simply equal.

Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you Forress Rayford, the first recipient of the annual CWATCF & Martin Luther King, Jr "We Shall Overcome" Award.

SEC Name Of The Week: Jan. 22 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them. For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC Name of the Week:

Ramon Broadway, CB, Arkansas Razorbacks

Ramon is currently a third-team D-back for the Razorbacks, but you never know -- a strong offseason could lead to his name in lights! Seriously, the scary thing about this name is that it's the type you generally give yourself ... when you're strung out on meth and working the pole at a bar called "Meatslingers." As a public service, here's a quick naming guide that will help in determining your child's future in the performing arts:

Local Theater Actor: Gabriel Irving

Broadway: Oliver Platt

Male Hooker: Ramon Broadway

The above picture, unsurprisingly, is one of the first results on an image search for Ramon Broadway. I'm sure that Ramon mourns the loss of former coach Houston Nutt.

Things I Have Pooped On

1. Toilets
2. The ground (while camping)
3. Diapers (as a baby)

This sets me apart from New York Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora.

A Response To Our Critics: Big Ten Edition

So we've been getting a lot of crap in our comments and email lately about two things:

1. Our contention that Michigan State girls are trashy sloots.
2. The fact that we intensely dislike the Big Ten and its fan base, and that we think the conference sucks donkey balls. We've been called narrow-minded, ignorant, and unfair, as well as a number of other vulgar and/or poorly spelled things.

On the first point we invite you to decide for yourself. As for the second, well, we'd just like to point out that we're not the only ones that feel that way.

No, seriously, it appears that Big Ten animosity runs wide and deep. To hell with the Southern Strategy -- if the GOP runs on an anti-Tressel platform, Hilbama can kiss the White House goodbye.

Update: Ohio State loses their "The."