The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.
Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them. For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.
Ramon Broadway, CB, Arkansas Razorbacks
Ramon is currently a third-team D-back for the Razorbacks, but you never know -- a strong offseason could lead to his name in lights! Seriously, the scary thing about this name is that it's the type you generally give yourself ... when you're strung out on meth and working the pole at a bar called "Meatslingers." As a public service, here's a quick naming guide that will help in determining your child's future in the performing arts:
Broadway: Oliver Platt
Male Hooker: Ramon Broadway
The above picture, unsurprisingly, is one of the first results on an image search for Ramon Broadway. I'm sure that Ramon mourns the loss of former coach Houston Nutt.