1.01.2008

How To Form A Rooting Interest: The Lesser Of Two ...

Three years ago I was a rabid SEC fan, but with a fairly limited football world view. Didn't know about Big Ten football; didn't care. I mean total ambivalence -- I couldn't have located the state of Indiana on a map, nor did I care to.

And then I moved to Chicago. Christ, the pasty-white, sweatpants-wearing Big Ten sorority girls practically ooze from the cracks in the sidewalk ... and they all want to tell you about the amazing traditions at Notre Dame, Minnesota's great rivalries, or how lightning fast Ohio State really is. Big Ten bars litter the street corners, and it's damn hard to find decent football (read: SEC) on their tee-vees because the Iowa frat boys need three screens in order to watch their thrilling matchup with mighty Northwestern. Without exception, they're incredibly self-righteous and objectively wrong.

So now I run a Notre Dame/Big Ten hate site (still waiting for the official designation from the SPLC). Last night I pulled for Tommy Tuberville -- without remorse. Today I plan to root for Phil "Bacon" Fulmer. I will not lose sleep over this. I will watch every Big Ten game (exception: Illinois) with malevolence in my heart. And god willing, in 2008, I will no longer have to hear about how great a coach Kirk Ferentz is.


Today's Schedule

10:00 Bacon v. Big Ten Assholes
12:00 Florida v. Big Ten Assholes
3:30 Zooker! (unlike Swindle, we actually love the Zooker)
7:30 Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

you have lost a fan with this post. quit your griping and go back to the deep south where you belong and quit infecting my city. as a player in the big 10 i love reading about your "superior knowledge" of the game of college football while keeping in my mind that you never have played the sport while attending your inferior university so have fun trying to bring your southern crap to the north where you do not belong...woof woof my ass

Irons said...

Sigh.

1. Again, we don't claim superior knowledge of anything.

2. We are not SEC grads. However, at the schools we did attend, they taught us about capitalization and commas.

3. As for infections, we refer you to the earlier Michigan State post. Trust me, any outbreaks in the Chicago area are likely attributable to those ladies.

Irons said...

That said, please stick around. If you have any entertaining recruiting stories or inside info, send us an email. We'll be thrilled to publish anything fun (anonymously, if necessary).

phildo said...

Uhh, so sorry to point this out Skippy "Irons," but God is also capitalized. Guess that Tulane english degree didn''t do you much good, huh? Even us lowly history majors make sure we don't fuck up before we talk shit. That being said, I can't spell worth a damn either. I do feel bad for 'anonymous' though; I mean, who plays in the Big 10? What a looser.

Go Cowboys