2.04.2008

John Edwards: CWATCF Primary Dropouts Guide

In a year littered with 2-loss teams aspiring to college football's throne, it's only appropriate that the Presidential primary field is filled with flawed pretenders.

In an attempt to make this approachable for you blog-reading Neanderthals, we give you The CWATCF Primary Voter's Guide, comparing each wannabe-Reagan to one of this season's college football teams.

Go here for links to all of the candidates.

John Edwards, Louisville Cardinals

Coming off of a stellar showing in ’06, it appeared that Louisville had established themselves as a big time, Big East program. With stud QB Brian Brohm and a slew of offensive talent coming back, it looked like the Louisville – WVU game would determine the Big East champ, and perhaps vault the winner into the national championship game.

Similarly, most people figured Edwards was destined for a primary death match with Hillary Clinton. With his strong, populist message, a commitment to timely issues like Katrina and health care, and a hefty bank account, all of the elements were in place for a big-time run. Even the crappy stuff – Elizabeth’s illness and the hideous Coulter comments – seemed like it would garner him sympathy votes.

Like Louisville, though, success just never materialized. Strangely, this wasn’t due to flubs on the campaign trail or injuries – Edwards was largely mistake-free (aside from the horribly-handled “Breck girl” incident and the hedge fund nonsense), and Louisville’s stars stayed healthy for the majority of the season. For whatever reason, it just didn’t happen. All that promise led to nothing more than 6-6 and a campaign over before Super Tuesday.

That said, Louisville has a strong foundation in place, and is poised to be a player in the Big East for years to come. Edwards, likewise, has the power to reshape the 2008 race with an endorsement (Obama?), and can parlay that into all sorts of goodies: funding for his pet projects, a position as the most powerful Secretary of Labor we’ve seen in decades, or even an Attorney General role (that sound you hear is Republicans collectively crapping their pants).

2 comments:

Brady said...

Coulter was right on the money.

"FEC records show Edwards also availed himself of $250 in services from a trendy salon and spa in Dubuque, Iowa, and $225 in services from the Pink Sapphire in Manchester, N.H., which is described on its Web site as "a unique boutique for the mind, body and face" that caters mostly to women."

Irons said...

Spoken like a man who's never had a pedicure.