Each week, we’ll publish an idiot-proof recipe that’ll score you some ‘tang. In return, you’ll send us pictures of the classy ladies (which we’ll post) and let us know how you did. Note that this section is not for more accomplished chefs, but for morons who just want to convince ladies that they are accomplished chefs. Expect us to talk down to you.
For an overview of Eat, Pray, and Get Some Lovin', go here.
Step 1: Trick a young lady into coming to your abode.
Method of the week:
Step 2: Buy and prep ingredients for Beef Tenderloin Roast with Horseradish Mashed Potatoes
In order to get her to unwrap your second gift (ed. note: we mean penis) you'll probably have to buy her something that appears to be nice. Couple that with a homemade meal and this is probably the time to bring up that thing you've always wanted to try with handcuffs, an eggplant, and the family cat.
-Sure, it's a bit on the front end, but buying a whole tenderloin is generally a huge cost-saver.
-Try Sam's or Costco for this (and steaks in general). Generally, you can get a whole tenderloin for around $50, and you'll get 6-8 steaks out of it (plus a good bit of leftover scrap meat useful for stir fries, Philly cheese steak, etc.). Compare to $18+/lb at grocery stores.
-Assume 1.5" per person. Cut the necessary length (i.e. 6" for 4 people) and let it come to room temperature. Wrap remainder in foil and plastic wrap and freeze.
3 lb. Yukon Gold Potatoes
-These are great for mashed potatoes because of their consistency and
1/2 cup Sour Cream
1/2 stick Butter
3 tbs. Horseradish
-Usually comes in a glass jar near the olives. Check the deli area as well.
Step 3: Cook
Beef Part 1: Preheat oven to 400. Generously season (and I mean generously) beef roast with salt and pepper, pressing it into the sides. Sprinkle with a bit of cumin. Heat a large skillet on high until it is smoking hot. Add a tablespoon or two of a neutral oil. Use something with a high smoke point, like peanut, canola, or even just "vegetable." Olive oil will burn at this high of a temperature. Sear tenderloin for 2 minutes a side. Usually, there are 3 "sides" to a roast, so figure 6-7 minutes total (no more). Remember, when you cook meat, you don't want to move it around after it's in the pan. This allows it to form a good crust and keeps the meat from tearing. Remove tenderloin to a plate.
Potatoes Part 1: Peel potatoes (don't worry about perfection here) and place in a dutch oven or large pot. Cover with cold water, and heat over medium-high heat. Bring to boil, and cook for about 15-20 minutes. If you can easily pierce potatoes with a fork, they are done.
Beef Part 2: Place roast in a roasting pan (any large pan, like a sheet pan, will work). Place in oven for 30-35 minutes, or until it hits 135 internally (for those of you with meat thermometers). Remove tenderloin from oven. Cover with foil, and allow to stand for at least five minutes. Cut into 1.5" rounds. Top each with a pat of butter.
Potatoes Part 2: Drain potatoes. Return to heat and cook until all liquid in the bottom has evaporated. Add butter, horseradish, chives, and sour cream, and generously season with salt and pepper. Mash with a potato masher (or a slotted spoon, fork, etc.). Add milk as needed to reach desired consistency. Do not overmash (use as few strokes as possible), as this will make your potatoes gummy. Taste, and add more salt and pepper if necessary.