SEC Names of the Week: Nov. 12 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them.

For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC East Name(s) of the Week:

Wondy Pierre-Louis, CB, Florida Gators

This year's winner of the Karibi Dede Award is the Gator's newly-minted starter. Wondy's inspiring personal story begins in his war-torn Haitian homeland, and blah blah blah this is what links are for. Anyway, that might have been enough to prevent us from mocking him, but for this little factoid:

-Learned English by watching the Disney Channel's "That's So Raven."

Which earns him our contempt. After all, "Hannah Montana" is a much better show. Wait, what? We didn't say that. And no Miley Cyrus jokes in the comments, please -- she's 15 14, people.

Anyway thanks to the Gators' star's parents for giving him such a Wondy-erful name (sorry).

SEC West Name of the Week:

Brandon Fanney, DL/LB Alabama Crimson Tide

Coolio, tired of living in a Gangsta's Paradise, is back with (1,2,3,4) Sumpin' New. He now plays TWO positions for the Alabama Crimson Tide while composing hit songs and sticking forks into electric sockets to achieve the perfect hairstyle. When shock therapy doesn't get his hair-rection hard enough, he just watches Notre Dame football.

Oh yeah, we almost forgot, his name means "ass" in kid-speak. In fact, co-name of the week Wondy Pierre-Louis probably calls his own ass a "fanny." Which is funny.