SEC Names Of The Week: Nov. 26 Edition

The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s America is a brilliant moment in child-labeling – sort of a Golden Age for Retarded Names, if you will.

Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them.

For an introduction to the SEC Football Names of the Week, go here.

SEC East Name(s) of the Week:

Brannan Southerland,
FB, Georgia Bulldogs

Brannan is not a name.

Georgia's 240-lb. touchdown machine creates a new category of yuptard names. While most fall into the "stupid alternate spellings of traditional names" category, Brannan is something beautifully and uniquely fucked up.

"Brandon" is a name. "Brannon" is a girl-name. "Brannan" is neither ... yet both? Hopefully, this doesn't mean our favorite fullback is pulling a Jamie Lee Curtis.

Anyway, here's to the human equivalent of a Puggle. One can only hope that Brannan's parents will begin a blog in this vein.

So thank you, Brannan. If -- god forbid -- the wonders of modern-day birth control fail me and I knock some chick up, I'm going to name it Jiym.

SEC West Name of the Week:

Coming Soon

No comments: