Notre Dame v. Air Force: Saturday Live Gloating

5:16 (Irons): Mercifully, this one is over. Final score 41-24. On the bright side, ND's 58 yards rushing beats their season average.
5:14 (Anderson):
The Irish Faithful (his name is Steve) still hoping for a last minute, 17-point comeback.
5:11 (Irons): And Air Force rubs it in a bit -- 41-24.
5:05 (Anderson):
Local Southbend buffets on Defcon-4 status as the Irish close in on their ninth loss, expect Weis to replace the sadness in his heart with cholesterol.
5:02 (Irons): Proof that the NBC announcers aren't at all biased: "If you're Notre Dame, you're probably a little disappointed in the running game."
5:01 (Anderson):
Weis appears to be unhappy with the chain measurement system, demands use of more "official" chicago-style pizza box.
4:56 (Irons): Navy, who squeaked by the Fightin' Irish last week, has given up 49 points this Saturday. In the first half. To North Texas.
4:55 (Anderson):
ND special teams are as impressive as ever.
4:51 (Irons): Swing pass by Emu ... TD. And ND is partying like it's 1984. 34-24, Air Force.
4:50 (Anderson):
I wonder how much it cost Notre Dame to put green t-shirts on all the homeless people that live in their stadium before the game started?
4:43 (Irons): On the bright side, Weis has done an excellent job conserving his time outs.
4:42 (Irons):
Oh. My. Emu sacked by entire Air Force team. 6.
4:38 (Irons)
: FG, Air Force. 34-17.
4:35 (Anderson):
Notre Dame's Emu retakes the passing lead over Air Force's option quarterback by a slim margin. AF is still outrushing the Irish by roughly three miles.
4:31 (Anderson):
Air Force might need to put the second string back in (third string currently playing) to insure that they cover the spread. For the record, Air Force came into this game favored by 3.5 points.
4:25 (Irons):
Meaningless TD pass, Emu. 31-17.
4:24 (Irons):
Emu sacked by undersized Air Force defender. Again. This makes 5 for the day and a whopping 50 for the year. There are tackling dummies that do a better job of blocking.
4:22 (Anderson):
Careful hitting Clausen late like that, you might jar some talent loose.
Do not adjust your hearing aids, he DID just say that Clausen has been sacked FORTY-NINE(49) times this season. Notre Dame's offensive line is turning heads today by only allowing 4 so far.
4:11 (Irons):
TD pass to the backup TE, Air Force. Oh my. 31-10. Start gathering your pocket change, Notre Dame fans. This is going to cost $25 million.
4:09 (Irons):
So the running game is working today.
4:06 (Irons):
Jeeeeeeeee-sus. ND's offensive averages on the season (if you're drinking something, swallow before reading): 208.4 yards/game; 152 passing yards/game; 56.4 rushing yards/game.
4:05 (Irons):
Charlie Weis, down by two touchdowns, has wisely decided to slow the game down. No sense in letting things get out of hand.
3:58 (Irons):
It's amusing to watch the look of shock and surprise on the ND running backs' faces on the rare occasion that they break through the line of scrimmage.
3:52 (Anderson):
Air Force, one of the last remaining dedicated option offenses, is now out-passing Notre Dame.
3:44 (Irons):
TD pass Air Force. 24-10. There's a school of thought that ND is acting in a patriotic manner by allowing the service academies to defeat them in a time of war. But to let the Bolts blow them out? I mean, we don't want our soldiers to get cocky.
3:43 (Irons):
Nope, no harelips spotted in the crowd.
3:41 (Anderson):
Is that Greta Van Susteren on the sidelines?
3:30 (Anderson):
The second half will commence as soon as all 15 of the Notre Dame fans come back from the bathroom and Charlie Weis finishes his dessert.
3:24 (Irons):
Halftime by the numbers: 3 sacks, 2 turnovers, 63(!) rushing yards. I believe this is what you call a moral victory.
3:21 (Irons):
Best argument against HDTV: Charlie Weis.
3:17 (Irons):
FYI, the officials stole 3 points from Air Force at the end of the half. Let the NBC-related conspiracy theories begin.
3:14 (Irons):
Air Force 17-10 at the half. Imagine what their lead would be if they had more black people.
3:10 (Irons):
Emu flattened by undersized Air Force defender. Sack #3.
3:08 (Irons):
TD Air Force! 17-10.
3:02 (Irons):
That's not nice, Anderson -- I'm sure he's just big-boned.
3:00 (Anderson):
Word has reached us that immediately after the touchdown, Weis sent a letter to Air Force Coach Calhoun offering to end the game on a tie, under the terms that Calhoun buys pizza and cokes for both teams and a cake for Weiss.
2:56 (Irons):
TD Notre Dame. According to the announcers, this is the second touchdown pass of the Emu's career. Hasn't he started like 7 games?
2:55 (Irons):
Special update for SEC fans: Nick Saban has been Croomed.
2:54 (Irons):
Emu flattened by undersized Air Force defender, but this time in illegal fashion. In Notre Dame-speak, this is called "offense."
2:53 (Anderson):
I bet the Notre Dame Friday Night Pep Rallies are fun this year.
Is it just me, or is the bulk of the advertising just NBC pumping their own programming? I'm half-expecting some local Southbend grocery store ads to pop up.
2:44 (Irons):
And it's official: No shutout today. 10-3.
Prudential must be excited, this is ND's first trip to the red zone in a few weeks.
2:38 (Irons):
Down goes Michigan (to a D-I team this time). Explain to me again why Ohio State belongs in the national title game?
2:37 (Irons):
Notre Dame runs for a first down. Let that sink in for a moment.
2:36 (Anderson):
Let's take a commercial break to give ND time to plan their 3-and-out.
I think ND's first priority in the off season is to pick up a good punter. That's their most reliable source of positive yardage.
2:24 (Irons):
Dear Emu: You play for the blue team.
2:21 (Irons):
Fumb-bbbbbbbbbbbbblllllle! Air Force tacks on the extra point to make it 10-0. Enjoying this as much as I am makes me feel ... dirty.
2:19 (Irons):
We heartily agree with the assessment of the ND coaching situation expressed by our brothers over at Nation of Islam Sports Blog. Look for a guest post by Brother T in the next few weeks.
2:18 (Irons)
: Undersized Air Force player flattens the Emu for Sack #2. Rinse, repeat.
2:17 (Anderson):
I think I found their next coach:

2:14 (Irons): Anderson informs me that Notre Dame's TV contract runs through 2010. Oy. Charlie Weis' contract, of course, runs through 2015.
2:13 (Irons):
This is not a joke. Someone wearing Rudy's number and approximating his height is currently on the field.
Good Lord, they've actually put Rudy in.
2:08 (Anderson): I'm expecting Air Force's second string to come in soon. They don't need any unnecessary injuries before the big San Diego State game next week.
2:01 (Irons): Field goal. 3-0 Air Force.
2:00 (Anderson): Ah, the feature game on NBC: football for World War II survivors.
1:50 (Irons): Air Force "fumbles" on the one. Replay overturns. Once again, Jesus is apparently a basketball fan
1:40 (Irons): The Emu is starting. Fish, meet barrel.
1:33 (Irons): Welcome to our first annual Notre Dame Live Gloat, wherein we watch ineptitude in action and comment as necessary.


nation_of_islam_sportsblog said...

This game is evidence that Coach Weis has the Irish on the right track.

Or, at least, the track we prefer to see them on...

Irons said...

It's clearly a pre-Veterans Day gift from Coach Weis. You can't say the man doesn't care about our men and women in uniform.