The clear #1 reason to have children? The opportunity to brand them with a ridiculous moniker that they’ll carry with them for the rest of their days. Thanks to a wonderful confluence of immigration, Yuppies, and a generally terrible education system, today’s
Fortunately, many of these blessed children play football in the SEC. Each week in this space, we will introduce you to two of them.
Kyrus Lanxter, WR, Kentucky Wildcats
Kyrus, or "Superman" (as he's known around these parts), has performed at least two miracles in his young life:
- Sandwiched an "X" between two consonants [Counting "Y" as a vowel, we're pretty sure this is a trailblazing moment in the history of the English language].
- "Son of Michelle Ruckart, Tim Lanxter, and Pam Campbell." You figure that one out.
SEC West Name of the Week:
Dexter McCluster, WR, Ole Miss Rebels
Ole Miss, under the patient tutelage of Sensei Ed Orgeron, has basically been a McClusterfuck. Saturday's loss to the chainsaw-endowed werewolf that is LSU leaves the Rebels at 0-7 in the SEC for the first time since 1982. Coach Zero has all of 3 SEC wins in his tenure in Oxford. Nevertheless, the Chancellor of Ole Miss is standing behind Coach Ogre! Give the man his time!
What a McClusterfuck.